Written by Melinda
These fucking things. I just beat Elden Ring, a game where Dragons and Giants are often the easiest enemies but one little statue of a guy can give you hell. I haven’t been writing about music lately because I’ve honestly done nothing but play this game, I’m almost finished my second character. My next article will probably be my ranking of the Elden Ring bosses but in the mean time these were my least favorite kind of non-boss enemies to encounter in . I will include screenshots of each but I won’t include much spoiler material beyond maybe seeing a couple of enemies you haven’t seen yet out of the 100s that exist and one or two tips that will save new players a massive headache figuring out what the hell is going on (Those damn Abductor Virgin enemies). The list vaguely goes in order of progress through the game so newer players will surely know these first few.
Spear and Shield Knights
There’s a variety of knights with spears and shields, big and small, some with lightening even. They can mess up your shield and poke from a good range as well as that running attack that kind of follows you even if you try to run or backstep. They can be particularly frustrating if you aren’t experienced in Souls games because the primary solution to their charge attack is to roll INTO their sharp spear mid charge leading them to miss fantastically and you being in the perfect position to wail on their backside. For an experienced player it’s not too bad but either way they tend to take a little more time and consideration than the other kinds of minion knights so fuck ’em.
Absolutely the most annoying creature in the game. You will likely have seen them in catacombs, their most common home but they appear throughout the game and only get stronger and sneakier. The way these fuckers just spam their attack leaves little room for two handed builds to attack so get good at dodging and waiting for their combo to finish. Even with a shield they land enough attacks per second to be very likely to stagger you if you’ve made any missteps in stamina conservation. Half the time they fall on you or approach from behind (that room you swore you cleared), so chances are you’ll get a good few panic swings in to keep your stamina nice and low.
Giant Land Octopus
I guess Fromsoft named this one on a Friday afternoon because wow is that literal and not as interesting as it sounds. I turns out that when you take something famously belonging to the depths of the ocean and place them willy nilly on land they aren’t terribly effective creatures anymore. They’re just big floppers. I run around these things rather than fighting because they don’t drop anything good and they are highly resistant to damage unless you stagger them, a mechanic you will see again in this article because I am just not a fan of it for such unimportant enemies. I like a reward when I crack a hard shell.
Those Prawn Things In The Mines
Just awful. Many of us, if not most of us, encountered these entirely by accident and before our time. “I want to go home”. They are ranged roaches that fire about 9 projectiles at once that hone in on you so you have to spam dodge or use cove – if they all hit you, that’s it. This was one of the first times in Elden Ring that I exclaimed “Fuuuuck offff” in disbelief as my HP vanished. You absolutely have to deal with them first early in the game because they are propped up on the highground with full vantage of the arena and other miner enemies are very tanky for a low level character and can take a while to fight. They come back with a vengeance again near the end of the game and it’s just disgusting.
BIRDS but with SWORDS for FEET
I hope you have some ranged attacks because someone has been tying sharp blades to the legs of very agile birds. The lore doesn’t seem to explain this but I hope it does eventually because their existence is against god. Not only are they flying and thus have a harder hitbox but they attack quickly and often in packs.
The Big Hands With Ugly Ass Nails
The little ones are annoying too as they have the same moveset but the big ones can one combo you very easily if you don’t get the drop on them – which is great because Fromsoft plants them on the ceiling to drop down all the time and even plants them underground and if you walk over them it’s lights out. Beyond that, once one is revealed, the fight is brutal because they move as fast as spiders and because they have so many fingers they have an unrelenting combo of many hits that will stun lock you. Rolling once usually isn’t effective enough and you have to back right up and plan a jump attack into regular attack in hopes of staggering it. In the Academy they are underground but if you travel slowly you can spot the finger nails sticking out and strong hit them before they are revealed instantly staggering them. This things are one of the worst enemies in the game aesthetically.
Many Armed… Things
They are quite weak and easy to kill but if you underestimate them in groups or drop your guard you will find yourself very stunlocked with annoying spinning attacks and rapid crossbow bolts. It’s most annoying of all when you just want to ride around on your horse without stopping to fight random small mobs but then you pull a little to close to a few of these buggers and are instantly sent off your horse with a flurry of random attacks. You generally want to them to death before they activate their bullshit mode.
My first encounter with these is at the Academy and it is horrifying. They come in a few types and have a horrible grab attack as well as various kinds of elemental damage, long range damage and AEO damage – oh and they move quickly. Later in the game you are sometimes facing off against two or more at a time and it’s just chaos. ACADEMY SPOILER: Some of you may have found this one at the bottom of the big wheel elevator and it might have grabbed you. This is a special one because if it grabs you it will actually teleport you to a terrible terrible place with enemies much tougher than your level. People mistakenly think (perhaps due to rushed guides incorrectly reporting this) that you have to beat the annoying boss battle to escape but this isn’t true: you can teleport out of the DS2 ass lava level as soon as you reach the first grace point, you just gotta stand right on it. SO many people spent hours here and nearly quit the game thinking they were stuck (including myself) making this enemy a true nightmare to many players.
Banshee’s? Are They Banshees?
I don’t know if these are banshees or not but they are flying creatures with a beautiful singing voice and a horrifying grab move that does big damage, oh and they inflict poison. These encounters are usually difficult as they have a decent health pool and are almost always travelling in pairs accompanied by the smaller bats. Hopefully you have a weapon that can easily strike multiple airborne enemies. I did not and had to inch into their areas to aggro them one by one with arrows. Ok I looked it up and they aren’t banshees, they are called, and get this, “Chanting Winged Dames”.
Amazingly Accurate Arrow Vikings
These viking apparitions aren’t difficult to kill but if you aggro any at a distance they will prove to be super annoying because they have a magic arrow attack that seems to hit you no matter how far away and even if you are sprinting. Dodge rolling at the right time it the most reliable option but too often you will be fighting a group of mobs and an archer offscreen you didn’t notice will absolute annihilate you so you have to make sure to pacify the ones on the outskirts of a fight first. I spent the majority of this area with multiple arrows hanging out of my person at all times like it was a new armor type or something (there’s an idea though).
Guess whos back guess whos back guess whos back – the classsic Dark Souls Baslisk is here. Can’t see it? Yeah I can never see shit either when they are around and now they are armed with all new status ailment, DEATH. Instead of cursing you, they instantly kill you in a very dramatic way but really it’s functionally the same. Why bother changing it too much? Hidetaka Miyazaki has been using the exact same rat enemies for over a decade now so fuck it. They have googly eyes and ball bags for chins, they have no right to wield the power of death.
Magic Crystal People(?)
If I’m being honest, I almost always run past these things instead of fighting them, usually getting away with a handful of magic discs stuck in my back and horse. They don’t heed to any damage types and so you will barely touch their health until they stagger and become more vulnerable. This is harder than it sounds because they come in packs where some shoot at you while you’re trying to break a melee one. And the melee one? usually has a long spear that is given so much extra reach by their ability to jump forward with their attacks in a weird uncanny animation. These attacks are pretty quick too so it’s difficult to get enough hits in for a stagger without trading damage every time.
Sometimes these can be a really fun and challenging fight, but then sometimes they have a bullshit AEO ground attack that happens faster than it takes for you to realize it’s about to happen, and it hurts a lot. These things do not give any breathing room when fighting and so you’ll need to get well and truly far away to be safe enough to heal. Their combos are quick with the smaller weapons and once they cop a bit of damage they grow wings for an awesome dive attack. They are honestly harder than most of the bosses and I have lost many many duels with these bad boys. Sometimes you just aren’t in the mood for a one on one duel to the death when you’re running a level.
Not Annoying Just Ugly As Sin